My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's never too late to be topless.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
