At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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