New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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