Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
