When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize