I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
