omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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