Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
