was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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