Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
