Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
