My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
