I'm lost and stupid without you.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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