DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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