I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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