I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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