that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize