Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
