I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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