i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
