yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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