I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
