two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
