Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she smelled like a LAN party
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
