i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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