i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
