My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
