By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
