I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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