she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This house was built for laser tag.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
