I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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