I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
