She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
