Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
