yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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