Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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