we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
