SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
