omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
