I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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