4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize