strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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