Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
