Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Vodka?
Forever.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
