Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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