my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
