Old men and throwing up are my life now.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
