when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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