If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
