It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
