the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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