so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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