Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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