I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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