Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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