My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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