her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
