Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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