no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize