I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
