I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
