it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
