i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
