It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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