what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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