I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
