Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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