Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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