when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
