Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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