hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
