I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Terrible idea I love it
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
