just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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