If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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