Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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