I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
