just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
