I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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