I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
