apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
