I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
