there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
