I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
