this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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