all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
They have beer where we have blood.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
