I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
