who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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