I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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