Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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