what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So much rum. So many feels.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
