you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
