you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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