Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
