I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
