He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
