You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My life is pants optional.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize