you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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