after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
