Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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